my journey

January 20, 2018…Am I On The Right Path?

Hello my beautiful friends!


This is not my normal writing time.  It’s 9:30pm on a Saturday night.  Yes, this is how you know I am old.  No clubbing for me, just pj’s, a blanket and my computer.

I’m going to get a little deep.  So, those of you who scare off easily, you might as well leave now.  Today I am talking life-purpose, spiritual-awakening, and universal-pull.  Because I am in search of the first, in the process of the second, and got knocked to the ground by the third…more than once.

There are some that believe we came here with a purpose.  And if we don’t fulfill our purpose or even realize our purpose in the time we are supposed to, the universe will kick our rears until we get knocked around enough and finally land into it with nowhere else to go.  Five years ago I was diagnosed with a medical condition that awakened me to health.  It was an awakening that nearly killed me, but I survived while learning how to care for my body.  Three years ago, amid my health journey, I stumbled to the truth of the animal industry and began my journey to veganism.  Last year my eyes were finally opened to a painful personal situation I had refused to admit to for years.  This has taught me to heal my soul and begin my journey to self-love.

I am forty-four-years-old.  For the first thirty-nine years of my life, I just drifted around, doing what I thought I was supposed to, while suppressing my love for writing.  I took jobs, nothing specific, to pay bills.  That’s what my parents told me to do.  Then society told me to go to college to get a better job.  That’s what I did.  I currently have a job that society would approve of.  In fact, people looking in through the windows of my life would probably be envious.  I don’t say that in a cocky way.  I say that because I was once part of the typical society.  I wanted the family, the beautiful home, the prestigious job, and before I had all of that, I too, was envious of those who did.  But then I got it.  Now what?

The universe, as noted above, has kicked the life out of me and awakened me to things I hadn’t seen and really never wanted to.  Each step has been trying and two have been the most painful things I have endured in my life, with the exception of losing my mother.  Going off what I have read on spiritual awakening and how the universe will sometimes not-so-kindly move you along to your life’s path, I have to say that all of that in such a small amount of time is not a coincidence.  I fully believe I am being prepped and pushed to what I came here to do.  I also fully believe that if I don’t get my butt in gear and start doing it, the universe is going to give me more pain.  Thanks, but I hear ya.  What exactly do you want me to do?  That is the question everyone asks, isn’t it?  Why are we here anyway?  I don’t know why you, the reader, are here, but I know that I need to figure this crap out, because I can’t take anymore life lessons.

Meditation.  I have dabbled in it for…oh…the last five years.  See that?  The first kick in my butt pushed me to start meditating.  Hello, start of spiritual awakening!  But I have never meditated for more than ten minutes, and it was always just to relax.  Today, I searched out a guided meditation on YouTube and meditated for thirty minutes.  It was a purpose-finding meditation that first cleared out blockages and then asked me to let in images of what I am supposed to do and the talents that I’m supposed to do it with.  I was only allowed to let in images and acknowledge them, not analyze them.  And so my images started with grass and trees, forming a forest; a pencil; a bird with an areal view of the forest that I interpreted as me flying over the forest aka travel; and a pig that just kept blocking the view of the forest I wanted to see.

I was already clear before I did the meditation that my ultimate goal is to somehow help stop the deforestation that happens on a daily basis.  It breaks my heart that the homes of wild animals are stolen from them without even a thought and the beauty of the earth is constantly destroyed and replaced with man-made houses and buildings.  This has bothered me since I was a child, and this I want to fix.  I understand why I saw the forest.  I know the pig was their because the animal industry is also so cruel and needs to end.  I wasn’t sure, though, how I was supposed to help prevent all of this destruction.  The pencil that came into view during meditation was my reminder that somehow, what I’m doing right this minute is going to be part of that path.  Travel?  I absolutely love to travel and see new things, so if that’s part of it, I am a lucky woman.  But how?  The minute I wondered that, the guided meditation said not to worry about how I will make my images work.  I should just watch for pieces of inspiration and moments of clarity to begin my path that will be laid out for me.  So here I am, beginning that path.

See?  I told you this was gonna get weird.  Whatever is going on in my life, whatever is giving me all these struggles and awakenings, I cannot ignore anymore.  I am giving into whatever this pull is.  And I know that this blog and my writing…my dream…will be part of it.

Today’s act of self-love: Taking a journey within, using self- guided meditation ♥♥♥

Until my next post, much love to everyone!

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